I’ve have been attempting to settle into a new normal over the past few months. Somewhere along the way I convinced myself to only wear lounge clothes and to pretty much never wear makeup. I think I got this idea from Instagram (shocker). I saw people saying “wearing lounge clothes and no makeup is the best!!!!”. So I joined the movement only to discover a few months later that I was feeling very bleh. One day I did something crazy and wore jeans and put on some brows and lipstick. I felt confident and more like myself. I may have even said out loud, “who is she??”. The answer: she is a girl who has loved putting together outfits her entire life. A girl who loved browsing the racks of Goodwill with her mom twice a week as well as the makeup aisles of wal-mart. She read fashion magazines at a young age and especially loved the section of People magazine called, “stars: they’re just like us!” She would recreate the trends she saw in magazines with the thrifted clothes and drugstore makeup she could afford.
I got a job at 15
When my first paycheck came I immediately ran to Younkers to buy Clinique makeup. I thought since the makeup came from a department store it was better and would cure my acne (it didn’t). As I began to make more of my own money I chose to spend it on clothing and makeup. I wanted to buy things that were “new”, not second hand, and I wanted to feel like I fit in. Nowadays I buy a lot of my makeup from Sephora and a lot of my clothes brand new (some even full-priced). Some moments it feels a little ridiculous but I just told myself this is the norm. Right?
Flash forward to this spring…
Now here I am furloughed with all the time in the world and living off of unemployment. That’s something I never thought I would say. But the crazy thing is the past few months have made me ask myself some pretty big questions: What businesses do I want to support? Is my job as I knew it gone? Do I need to pivot my career? Should I go back to school? Should I learn how to code? Do I want to live in a smaller city for good? Am I ready to get a dog? How do I change my life so I can see my mom weekly not quarterly? What are the simplest things that bring me joy? What makes me feel productive?
I have the answer to pretty much none of these questions. But I do have an idea of what brings me joy and makes me feel productive, and that is a start.
I feel productive and proud when I am savvy. My mom is the savviest person I know. She engrained in me that if you work hard and be savvy you will get where you want to go. She loves hunting for bargains and searching for the best things second hand. She also has a vision. She’s always buying furniture and re-painting it or changing the dresser knobs only for the end result to look like it’s from West Elm. It’s pretty damn impressive.
So while money might be tight right now, time is plentiful. I am challenging myself to shop my own closet and makeup collection and reinvent things I already own. Now is the time for me to buy less. It’s the time to save and the time to find some joy in what you already have. But it’s also the time to get savvy. My peek savvy moment this week is when I ordered a beautiful cream eyeshadow at Sephora I have had my eyes on for nearly a year. I bought it using a $25 gift card, a free shipping code, and a $10 off coupon. I didn’t spend a dime of my own money. That is savvy.
I’m sharing all of this to say if you feel bleh or like you are in a rut you’re not alone. If you are on unemployment you’re not alone. If you feel like everyday is on repeat you’re not alone. And if you are questioning everything you definitely are not alone. Stay home and find a few little things that make you feel productive and it will help, trust me.
I think Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie knew what she was talking about with this one:
“I think you travel to search and you come back home to find yourself there.”
p.s. If you liked this post check out: Quarantine Home Project Roundup!